Start Me Up

For a brief while there I disappeared. Last Friday I had every intention of writing a post. Yet, like so many other things I start, I managed to not do it. It’s not a complete lack of motivation that stops me from doing things I know I want to and should do. It’s just a lack of enough motivation. I’m not a professional, so I’m only hazarding a guess when I say that I think my half motivation comes from being mentally fried. It applies to all areas of my life from writing my own blog or stories to going to the gym. 

I’m sure I’ve said that I am both consistently calm and consistently wound up at the same time. I’m always trying to plan my next step and trying to sort out the decisions I need to make to get me to my end goal. This is always a bad thing, but it can get in the way. Part of my brain power is dedicated to thinking over things that haven’t even come up yet. The other part is occupied with whatever task I’m working on. 

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As I’ve said, I’m currently writing freelance. The place that I write for requires educational articles filled with links to other resources about the topic. For some topics the amount of links requested is exhausting. It can be exhausting on the easy ones too. Supposedly, the articles are only meant to take two hours. So, far this hasn’t been the case for me. I have become quicker, but I’m still spending so much time bogged down on one topic that I come out of it not wanting to expend more energy for a little while. I usually catch a second wind, but often I spend that doing other things that are far less mentally taxing. 

I’m not complaining. Well, not entirely. I knew freelance would be hard even on the small scale. Full time freelance is only harder. Yet, I’m also finding it hard to want to commit to some other job either part time or full time. I know realistically I should because it would guarantee me a more steady paycheck, but I haven’t just yet. I think part of it is down to the fact that I tend to dig my heels in on projects for a while, even if it seems like it might not being going quite right. What I really need, though, is a freelance job I enjoy working on everyday. That way, when I’ve finished work for the day I won’t feel so mentally taxed out and will have the energy to spend working on other projects. Maybe I’m just making excuses again and I should just get down to it and get things over with. Maybe there’s some merit to what I’m feeling. Maybe both. 

Either way, I decided that now that February has officially begun I’m going to stick to my projects and my personal deadlines. I know it will take a while for them to become habits, and I know that finding and sticking to a routine as soon as possible will only help them become habits faster. So, that’s what I’m working on this month. Finding a routine that works and being flexible, but firm with myself when I can’t stick strictly to my routine. As a quick aside, I set Monday, Wednesday, and Friday as my official blogging days. In January I managed to stick decently to that schedule once I started (until the last couple days that is). A few times I started too late in the evening and technically ended up posting the next morning. Even now it’s a little late, but I’ll still be “on time.” I’m going to work to plan posts more so that I can get them up earlier. For now I’ll settle for on the right day. As today is the first blogging day in February (according to my schedule) I thought I’d start with an update on where I’ve been and where I hope to be. 

xx Mary

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