For Lack of Use

I am a writer. But, I don’t sit down and spend time writing fantastic stories all day long. But, oh how I want to. Right now, I’m a writer for hire. I sell my skill to those willing to pay – and I do need a paycheck. So, while my skills in writing SEO articles improves, my creative skills lag behind. This blog and my journaling (which I really need to get back to because I’m farther behind than I care to admit) are a step in the right direction. At least in these formats I’m exercising my own voice as a writer and not just the voice I’m told to project into an article, which by the way is harder than it seems from the outside. 

Screen Shot 2018-01-24 at 11.51.07 PM

 — Stephen King, On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft  (The image is from

I sat for so long wanting nothing more than to get paid to write, even articles for other people. I wanted a freelance life because it would afford me flexibility with projects. I could choose to put myself out there, apply if you will, only for projects that I would want to do if hired. Of course, there’s a whole world of finances and tax records that come with freelancing…if you’re making any money, that is. Thankfully, I am at the moment guaranteed to make some money purely by signing up for articles on the platform I use. But this week has been my first in learning what kind of work really goes into freelancing. Part of me keeps thinking I need to apply for a more steady job, and that might be the case still. I have plans to move out of my parent’s house later in 2018. A friend is counting on me to make sure that happens, so I’ll need a guaranteed income. 

I’ll be honest, something about the idea that I’m moving out seems scary and incredibly daunting. I left home, the state even, to go to college and I’ve lived with complete strangers just to find a good deal on rent. Yet, this is different – more permanent. I wonder if part of my fear is based solely on the fact that I do not have a steady source of employment at the moment. Not too long ago I had accepted a position that I knew wouldn’t be forever, but I had planed on lasting longer than it did. The hours were as flexible as you could get with a full time job and the pay was nice. I had begun saving up money just before the rug was pulled out from under me, and now I’m slowly watching that money slip away. While my consistent income disappeared, my bills did not. Welcome to adult glamour. So, yeah, I kind of want to ditch freelance writing for something safer.

At the same time, I wonder what will I do if I let myself cop out. I have all these wonderful ideas of my own to work on and I don’t because I have the option not to. I have no doubts that a paid writing career could slip out of my fingers if I give myself the option to play it safe. Then again, I could end up stumbling into a safe writing career. I haven’t seen many opportunities yet, but who knows? They say things have a way of showing up when you stop looking. I have no idea where my path is going, but I do know I don’t want to give up. I started to take the steps necessary for making a full time career out of freelance. I have the accounts to sign up for work and I even have the program to track it to make sure I have the right information come tax time (which is quarterly and that sounds awful). It struck me not too long ago that while, yes, money is something I am worried about the idea that I don’t have a “job” doesn’t. I want financial security, but I also want happiness. This could be my slightly unconventional path to both. It could also just be a brief stint of adventure before I return to safe ground. We’ll see. 

xx Mary

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